Man with zipped up mouthHave you ever asked yourself this question? Why can’t I talk to women? Have you ever stood there, seeing a woman you find attractive at a party, in a shop, on a train and thought how much you’d like to talk to her but don’t do it for some reason. Maybe you find a satisfactory reason not to, maybe the right opportunity does not seem to present itself, maybe you begin to but the conversation does not flow. If this happens once it is no big deal but if you find yourself in this situation quite a lot it is only natural to start to feel like you can’t talk to women and therefore wonder why you can’t talk to women.

I’m not a pick up artist. I’m not going to try to tell you exactly what women want to hear from men. The key to talking to women is not in what topics to talk about with women – they are all different and like to talk about different things so it is a waste of time to get hung up on details such as this. It is fixating on details like this that can create the anxiety that stops you being able to talk to women. If you’re going to get on well with a woman beyond the first conversation then you’re looking for someone who you can talk to naturally and therefore someone who is interested in the same sort of things as you. As you talk, something may start to happen with the women you talk to who are interested in what you say and nothing more than a conversation will happen with those who aren’t. If you’re forcing it to be interested, then it is going to be hard work developing any kind of relationship or rapport with them.

I am a hypnotist and I can tell you that it is your own subconscious patterns that are stopping you. The fact is – as soon as you have made the approach and expressed a level of interest, you are in unknown territory. Even if you have planned what things to talk about with a woman, as soon as you are in conversation, it can go in any direction. If it goes well you may be running subconscious patterns that create anxiety around continuing to impress her, as you get to know her, as the relationship gets more intimate. If the conversation does not go well then you may be thinking how difficult it will be to retreat with your dignity in tact.

On the whole it is not talking to women that is the problem, it is stepping out of your comfort zone into the unknown, it is your natural resistance to taking risks which I explain in hypnotic terms with my Village Metaphor. We are wired that way in order to survive – anxiety is there to keep us in that comfort zone where we have all we need to survive, but we do not have all we need for an exciting and fulfilling life so we have have to be able to push past that anxiety.

Hypnosis is a good way to do that, especially as a therapy for men as it does not mean dwelling too much on what you’re doing and how you feel, it simply focuses on change. It is a fast and effective way to treat anxiety that holds you back in life. If you come and see me for hypnosis is West Sussex, I won’t be able to give you a lesson in what do women like to talk about, but I will be able to change your subconscious patterns so that you are more comfortable pushing past anxiety and out of your comfort zone so that you can take some risks in order to make your life more exciting, more fulfilling and get you past question such as ‘why can’t I talk to women’ and onto questions more like ‘how can I shut her up?’

About Alex


Alex Vrettos is The Worthing Hypnotist using direct hypnosis, metaphor, parts therapy, subconscious negotiation to change any unwanted feelings and behaviours specialising in treatment of anxiety and fear related issues. He has an informal style that is solution focused and usually gets results within the first session or two.